amazon highlights: Essential Zen Habits / Leo Babauta / 2015

This Childish Mind is playing a Mind Movie all the time, about how our lives should be so comfortable and pleasurable and orderly. 

Unfortunately, creating a new habit or dropping an old habit can’t be done without discomfort. 

The Mind Movie tells us that changing a habit should be easy and fun, but the reality is that we must wander outside our comfort zone. 

And so the Childish Mind rebels. 

It throws a tantrum.

PART I: CREATING A HABIT

WEEK 1 FOCUS: A SLOW START

Day 1: Pick one change

Day 2: Create a vow

Day 3: Make it small

Day 4: Create a space

Day 5: Set a trigger & reminder

Day 6: Start easy

WEEK 2 FOCUS: MINDFUL ENJOYMENTS

Day 1: Enjoy the habit

Day 2: Be mindful of your movie

Day 3: Focus on gratitude

Day 4: Practice mindfully

Day 5: Reflect and (optionally) journal

Day 6: Adjust to a 2-minute habit

WEEK 3 FOCUS: OVERCOMING "THE DIP"

Day 1: Notice Your Resistance

Day 2: Flow around missing a day

Day 3: Overcome a motivation slump

Day 4:  Practice self-compassion

Day 5: Reflect again, adjust

Day 6: Stay with groundlessness

WEEK 4 FOCUS: RECONNECTING

Day 1: Quit the third time

Day 2: Reconnect with your why

Day 3: Reconnect with the moment

Day 4: Reconnect with gratitude

Day 5: On struggles

Day 6: Don’t waste life

WEEK 5 FOCUS: EMBRACING GROUNDLESSNESS

Day 1: Be curious about groundlessness

Day 2: Practice being with uncertainty

Day 3: Practice being with discomfort

Day 4: See that this is enough

Day 5: Practice letting go & accepting

Day 6: Go through to love

WEEK 6 FOCUS: GRADUALLY CHANGING YOUR LIFE

Day 1: Consider a second habit

Day 2: Gradually change your life

Day 3: Let go of unhelpful changes

Day 4: Adjust & refocus

Day 5: Go into habit maintenance mode

Day 6: Embrace the uncertain path of change

PART II: HABIT TROUBLESHOOTING

MISSED A FEW DAYS & STRUGGLING

Gauge your bandwidth. Assess your focus & commitment. Make a commitment to others. Make a rule: Don’t miss two days in a row. Create accountability. Create a consequence. Make it social.

CAN'T FIND THE TIME

When people say they haven’t had the time to focus on the habit change, what they really mean is they either 1) don’t have the bandwidth, or 2) haven’t made it a priority.

OTHERS AREN'T SUPPORTING ME

Get others on board. Accept others as they are. Set the example. Make changes on your own. Educate with patience. Group challenges.

NOT DOING AS WELL AS I'D HOPED

As you do the habit, be mindful of your attachment to outcomes of this habit, and see if you can focus instead on the intention, on the effort, on enjoying the process.

ACCOUNTABILITY ISN'T WORKING

By creating accountability, we’re creating an environment that helps to keep us on the habit path when our minds begin resisting the path.

FEELING TIRED, STRESSED, OVERWHELMED

First, be aware of the problem. If you’re tired, can you get more rest? Take breaks. Exercise. Get the overwhelm under control. Reduce the inflow. Breathe. Make your task your meditation.

MAKING MISTAKES, GUILT FROM FAILING

See every mistake as an opportunity to learn, a thing that you can get better at, the feedback that’s so crucial for improvement. And smile as you open yourself up to this improvement.

PART III: QUITTING A BAD HABIT

The biggest recommendation is not to take on a quit if you’re still struggling with forming habits. So the first thing you need to do, before you attempt to quit a habit, is track it for three days and try to write down every trigger for the habit.

COME UP WITH REPLACEMENT HABITS

For each trigger and need, write down a positive replacement habit that will meet the same need. Forming these new habits is doable, if as with your previous habits, you take it slowly, take it seriously, and give it your full focus.

GRADUAL CHANGE VS. COLD TURKEY

Gradual method: One version of this method is to gradually cut back on how much you do your old habit — smoke fewer and fewer cigarettes each day, have fewer drinks of alcohol, go on social media fewer times each day.

Cold turkey: This is just stopping completely with the bad habit, with all triggers at once. The benefit is that this can yield faster results, if you are able to fully focus on this and overcoming cravings and urges.

STRUGGLING WITH URGES

Tell yourself you can do this, you’re strong, you got this. And be realistic in that things won’t go as planned, but those are learning opportunities. In the long run, you’re going to make it, because you’re worth it.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FAIL

You will get better and better as you learn from mistakes. In this way, mistakes are helping you improve your habit skills.

PART IV: LIFE STRUGGLES

THE HEART OF OUR STRUGGLES

We struggle with our Mind Movies. We struggle with our feelings. These are both ways of looking at the same thing: we don’t like the actuality of what’s going on, and so we struggle with it. We are causing our own struggle. The good news is that we can let go of the struggle, with practice, and relax into the nature of reality in front of us. This is the beauty of working with our struggles, rather than avoiding them. We can see deeper into reality and uncover the love that’s already there.

RELAXING OUR STRUGGLING

Develop awareness. Set an intention. Invite it to tea. Use gentle curiosity. Relax your struggles. Look without ideals. Merge into the feeling.

SEEING AND WORKING WITH TRUE NATURE

Buddhists say that all of our struggles stem from being confused about the nature of reality. Some things to reflect on about reality: It’s impermanent. We’re not separate. We’re not at the center. It has a basic goodness. It’s beautiful, to be appreciated. We can aspire to love.

COPING WITH LOSS

First, let yourself grieve. Next, turn mindfully toward your grief. Instead of resisting the impermanence, if we can accept and embrace it, let go of our ideal of what we want life to be, perhaps we’ll struggle less.

COPING WITH LIFE CHANGES

See the groundlessness, invite it to tea. Explore with curiosity. Relax your struggles. Merge into the feeling. Embrace the impermanence. See the basic goodness.

DEALING WITH FRUSTRATIONS WITH OTHERS

 “The other person is never the problem.” However, while we can’t control the other person’s actions … we can change our own reaction. This doesn’t mean we ignore the other person’s behavior or don’t address the situation in front of us. It just means that we respond appropriately, out of a desire to make things better rather than out of anger or frustration, or from a desire to teach the other person a lesson or show that we’re right. We always respond better when we remove the anger, and respond calmly.

COPING WITH RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

You invite the frustration/groundlessness to tea, be curious with it, get intimate with it, relax your struggle.

DEALING WITH UNHAPPINESS WITH OURSELVES

radical acceptance is "... accepting our human existence and all of life as it is. Imperfection is not our personal problem — it is a natural part of existing."

UNCERTAINTY ABOUT LIFE'S PATH

Recognize that you’re trying to find certainty. See the basic goodness. Find your basic intention to do good. Take a step toward that intention. Be curious. Embrace the change. Practice in small doses. Reflect, and develop trust.

SIMPLE PLAN TO CREATE NEW HABITS

To create a new habit, follow these steps for about six weeks: Pick one new, easy habit that you can do once a day: Don’t start right away: Create a vow: Create a space: Set a trigger & reminder: Start with a Minimum Viable Habit: Focus on enjoying the habit: Practice mindfulness: Watch your Mind Movie: Reflect and journal: A daily practice: Increase gradually:

PRACTICE WITH RESISTANCE & GROUNDLESSNESS

Notice your resistance: Quit the third time: Be curious: Relax the struggle: Reconnect with your why: Practice being OK in groundlessness:

CREATE GRADUAL LIFE CHANGE

Consider a second habit: The Slow Change method: Let go of unhelpful changes: Reflect & adjust: Go into habit maintenance mode: Start your second habit with an adjusted method: Embrace the uncertain path of change:

QUITTING A BAD HABIT

Don’t attempt a quit until several successful new habit changes: Track your habit: List your triggers: List your needs: Come up with replacement habits: Use techniques you’ve learned: Gradual change vs. cold turkey: Struggling with urges: Form the right mindset: When you fail:

DEAL WITH LIFE'S DIFFICULTIES

We all struggle: We struggle with our Mind Movies. We struggle with our feelings. See the groundlessness, invite it to tea. Use gentle curiosity. Relax your struggles. Look without ideals. Merge into the feeling. Embrace the impermanence. See the basic goodness.