Friend of a Friend . . .:
Understanding the Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your Life and Your Career
/ David Burkus
“It’s not what you know; it’s who you know.” it’s about knowing who is a
“friend of a friend.” It’s about getting a full picture of the network you
already have access to, and learning how to improve it. Knowing who your
friends are and who their friends are, so you can gain a better understanding
of the community, will lead to better odds that your network will enhance your
success. Your connections matter. But so does how you know them, why you know
them, where you met them, and who else they know. All of these elements are
explained by the network around you—all your friends of friends.
Find Strength in Weak Ties Or Why
Your Old Friends Are Better Than Your New Friends
sociologists refer to as weak ties—people we maintain a connection with but
rarely interact with. By contrast, strong ties are the connections we regularly
return to—those friends and coworkers we feel comfortable around because we
know, like, and trust them. Even though the strong ties in our life are more
likely to be motivated to help us, it turns out that our weak ties’ access to
new sources of information may be more valuable than our strong ties’
motivation. Our weak ties are irregular contacts precisely because they tend to
operate in different social circles. They interact with people different from
our inner circle and learn different information. As a result, weak ties become
our best source for the new information that we need to resolve our dilemmas.
he noticed the role that former colleagues and long-lost friends played in
helping individuals. “It is remarkable that people receive crucial information
from individuals whose very existence they have forgotten.”
Over time, other researchers would come up
with a shorter name for such a weak tie that used to be stronger. They would
label it a dormant tie, and their research would prove just how valuable these
weak connections are.
First, like weak ties, dormant ties can hold a wealth of new, different, and
unexpected insights. Second, reaching out to dormant ties specifically for
advice is efficient; the contact with them is often much quicker than
conversations with current colleagues who might be collaborating on multiple
projects. And third, because many dormant ties, unlike weak ties, were once
stronger relationships, their trust and motivation to help are much stronger
than is true for current weak ties.
New Ideas from Old Connections. It’s those weak ties that give you the best
chance of finding new information and learning about unexpected opportunities.
Moreover, weak and dormant ties are likely to be much more plentiful in your
network than your strong connections. If you want to maximize the value of your
network, then you need to make sure you’re using all of your connections and
not limiting yourself to just your current strong ties. The bottom line is that
when it comes to new information and opportunities, your weak and dormant ties
are much stronger.
See Your Whole Network Or Why It
Really Is a Small World After All
The truth is that we are all one big network, and the people who succeed are
not the ones with the best collection but the ones who can see and navigate
their network best. To Milgram, the experiment explained why he was so often
able to find a connection to complete strangers in even the most distant
foreign lands he visited. His result suggested that we are all connected to
each other, amazingly, by just a few introductions.
Watts and Strogatz had found out the reason for the small-world effect. They
had found a way for social networks to feel incredibly vast and at the same
time small and interconnected. We might actually be within far fewer than six
degrees of separation from anyone else. We might be far more connected than any
of us would suspect.
Guare’s play outlines the real lesson of research into small worlds and the
research on degrees of separation: We don’t grow or create a network—the truth
is, we already exist inside of one. Our network is not a Rolodex separate from
us, to be used by us. Rather, we are an integrated part of the bigger whole.
The entire collection of humans, 7 billion strong and counting, is basically
one interconnected network. Everyone is a friend of a friend (even if we
haven’t met that friend yet). Every new person we meet opens up our ability to
navigate that network, and any given person can open us up to an entirely new
world.
Connecting with old contacts gives you a larger sense of your network and
just how many potential connections are within your reach. In other words,
former colleagues are more valuable than you might think. One of the best ways
to stay connected to, or get back in touch with, these former colleagues is
through alumni networks. Social media services like Facebook and LinkedIn are a
great place to reconnect with old colleagues and start getting a feel for the
larger network you have access to within a few introductions.
Become a Broker and Fill Structural
Holes Or Why Climbing the Corporate Ladder May Be the Worst Path to the Top
Research into networks reveals that, surprisingly, the most connected people
inside a tight group within a single industry are less valuable than the people
who span the gaps between groups and broker information back and forth. when
everyone in the local cluster knows or has access to the same information as
everyone else, the contacts are likewise redundant. Inside of these clusters,
as we have seen, information can move fast and collaboration happens easily,
but the downside is that information tends to stay stuck inside the cluster and
new information from outside rarely enters.
the gaps between clusters come with a large information advantage, and that
those who span the gap are able to leverage that advantage. Indeed, the people
who fill structural holes—the brokers, as they would later be labeled—end up
with control over the flow of information and eventually with more power than
those who just sit inside of a cluster.
“People
whose networks span structural holes have early access to diverse, often
contradictory, information and interpretations, which gives them a competitive
advantage in seeing good ideas,”
“The more diverse an actor’s career
history across groups, the more likely that actor is to engage in improbable
category-spanning communication,” The research on structural holes sends a
clear signal: there is real value to be captured by bringing two unconnected
groups together. You might not always be able to see that value right away, but
as you become the broker who fills the structural holes, you will
Seek Out Silos Or Why You Need to
Spend Time in Clusters, but Not Too Much Time
Research suggests that the secret isn’t to ask which silos to join and which
to avoid, but rather to focus on how long to interact with a silo and when to
move on. breaking down all group boundaries may actually slow the spread of
knowledge across a population, not speed it up. Some level of clustering
actually makes it easier for best practices, complex ideas, and new
opportunities to move across a network.
That is, some preferred to be more clustered and some were more open. Some
companies and company leaders chose to do business only with a small circle of
trusted allies, what Uzzi labeled “close-knit ties.” Others chose to do small
amounts of business with a large set of relationships and to keep their
relationships purely transactional. Uzzi labeled these “arm’s-length ties.” Uzzi’s
research revealed that the most successful companies had leaders who maintained
a healthy mixture of close-knit and arm’s-length ties—whose real-world networks
resembled Centola’s models. These companies were in a position to choose the
best options from among a diverse set of relationships.
There’s a reason for our tendency toward transitivity—our desire to
gravitate toward silos. Clusters are good for us, and good for our growth. The
trick is to make sure we’re not so clustered that we ignore opportunities to be
structural holes. At the same time, we need to make certain that pursuing our
goals as brokers between clusters doesn’t leave us clusterless. Pulling that
trick off can be difficult. In many industries, the balance of close-knit groups
and arm’s-length ties has already been decided.
If You Can’t Find Clusters, Create Them. The most connected, most successful
individuals oscillate between working with a variety of teams and acting as
bridges from their primary team to elsewhere in the organization or network. If
you don’t have a team that you can interact with briefly but regularly, it’s
time to be like so many in this chapter and just start your own.
What are you working on right now? What project is top of mind and
dominating your time right now? This gives everyone in the cluster a sense of
each person’s priorities. What is holding you back? In other words, how can the
group help you? Maybe the group can help with advice, access to resources,
introductions, or something else entirely. Spending time on this question helps
ensure that everyone leaves each meeting with something valuable.
What do you need prompting on? What can we do to keep you accountable?
Everyone has projects or tasks they know they need to do but forget about from
day to day or week to week. One of the benefits of enlisting a team is that
they can remind you to check those items off your list each time the team
meets—making it harder for them to hide from your attention. If you do hold
some of your meetings virtually, it’s still a good idea to commit to a regular
cycle of in-person meetings. Even if it’s only once a year or once a quarter,
being face to actual face is an important element of growing the trust and
commitment of group members.
Build Teams from All over Your
Network Or Why the Best Teams Don’t Stay Together Long
In the end, having a large network and a tight-knit team isn’t as valuable
as having a loose network and temporary teams. The best teams appeared to be
only temporary. The lesson of networks of collaboration is that the best team
for working on a project or even just providing advice is temporary—one that
probably works together for less time than you would think necessary to be
truly effective. To get that team, however, you need a network that’s loose and
diverse enough to build or rebuild a new roster frequently. The best way to
judge whether you have that network is to audit your calendar and see how you
are currently interacting with teams of people.
While this may be a somewhat arbitrary cutoff, it’s a major red flag if more
than half of the people on your list serve on multiple teams. Ideally, even if
you’re serving on only one main project team, different meetings should be held
to draw and attract new attendees from your network or the networks of others. Another
red flag is if the same people are meeting in the same room on a regular basis.
Become a Super-Connector Or Why Some
People Really Do Know Everybody
But the evidence also suggests that most of us have the ability to grow our
network large enough to become a super-connector. We just need to grow it
carefully. a big part of becoming a super-connector is serving the people in
your network by connecting others. Being generous with introductions adds value
to those around you, but it also makes it more likely that others will
reciprocate and be generous in introducing you to their contacts. It’s best if
you can make introductions part of your regular routine, aiming for a goal of
about one introduction or more per week.
In addition, once introductions become part of your routine, you will
regularly start thinking about your existing network when you meet new people.
When making introductions has become almost second nature, you will be acting
like a super-connector in your current network and be well on your way to
growing a super-connector’s network. While some social media services make
introductions even easier, enabling you to link to people at the push of a
button, it’s best to stay away from these options.
Leverage Preferential Attachment Or
Why the Most Connected People Tend to Stay That Way
two things became clear. One is that you never know the value of your
network until you need it. And two is that when you hit rock bottom, you’ll be
left with only two things: your word and your relationships.” As your network
grows, as the number of your connections increases, the process of meeting new
people becomes easier. the Matthew effect. The term comes from a puzzling
passage in the Bible, in the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus says: “For to all
those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from
those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away.”
In trying to find an explanation for power laws, Barabási and Albert
introduced two new concepts to the realm of network science.11 The first was
growth. Most models of networks were static, fixed in time and never changing.
But real-world networks, particularly networks of humans, evolve. They change
often, and the most common change is the entry of new people into a network.
Over time networks have to grow—and new people have to connect somewhere.
The second concept was what they labeled preferential attachment. If growth
is assumed, and if growth always means that new people have to connect
somewhere, then given a choice between two nodes with which to connect, new
nodes are more likely to connect to the more-connected node. If a node is twice
as connected as another, then it should also be twice as likely to make a
connection to new nodes. When new people enter a network, preferential
attachment assumes that they are more likely to meet highly connected
individuals than those off on the fringes.
To make sure your event is a success, there are a few things you have to
consider:
The size: At a minimum, invite six people. A gathering any smaller than that
can make new people feel left out as old friends reconnect. At a maximum, make
it no more than twelve people. Any more than that and not everyone will get a
chance to interact with every other guest.
The guests: Ideally, you want a good mix of old friends and new contacts.
You can do that by reaching out cold to people you want to invite or asking for
an introduction through a friend. If you don’t know such a person, then ask
your guests to bring a plus-one—not in the romantic sense but a person that the
entire group would benefit from knowing.
The location: Your home is a great choice, as it’s personal and comfortable
enough to encourage people to linger. If you are traveling or need to host the
event in a restaurant, make sure you coordinate with the manager ahead of time
to ensure that you get a large table in a quiet area (and to make sure everyone
is clear on how the bill will be settled).
The frequency: If it’s your first event ever, don’t worry so much about this
one. However, once you try it and it works, you need to think about how
frequently (weekly, twice a month, monthly, quarterly) you would like to hold
events. Just one time is not enough to leverage preferential attachment.
Create the Illusion of Majority Or
Why No One Is as Popular as They Seem
the majority illusion explains how easy it is to trick a population into
believing something is true and widely believed, when the reality is just the
opposite. largely unknown companies, brands, and even people can appear to have
big followings if they target the right early adopters. That illusion of
majority preference then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and can turn the
unknown into the well known. 158
Resist Homophily Or Why Opposites
Rarely Attract
In short, politicians weren’t redrawing boundaries to pick their voters;
voters were moving inside of new boundaries to pick their politicians. In
networks, opposites don’t attract. Like-minded people do. The bottom line is
that who you know affects how you think, and it also affects which friend of a
friend you’re likely to meet, for better or worse. The biggest implication from
homophily research is that we are much more likely to make, and to already
have, connections with people who are similar to us. While that’s good for
making us feel comfortable, it’s bad for making decisions with lots of
variables. We need our network to give us alternative perspectives, and to do
that we need to know if our network has any alternative perspectives.
Skip Mixers—Share Activities Instead
Or Why the Best Networking Events Have Nothing to Do with Networking
According to Uzzi, we tend toward self-similarity for two reasons: comfort
and efficiency. It turns out that the best strategy might be to just stop
trying to meet new people. Instead, we are more likely to develop new
relationships with a diverse set of individuals by focusing more on activities
to participate in rather than relationships themselves. Brian Uzzi also has a
term for this phenomenon: he calls it the shared activities principle.
Build Stronger Ties Through
Multiplexity Or Why Who You Know Includes How Well You Know Them
There is a phenomenon that sociologists call multiplexity—that is, two
people may have more than one type of relationship. The types of multiple ties
connecting individuals may have been transformed, but the research shows that
humans still tend to gravitate toward certain people for more than one reason,
and that the more types of connections there are between two individuals—the
higher the multiplexity—the more trust tends to develop in the relationship. it
is more likely that personal will become business than it is that business will
become personal. So friendship connections often become work connections, and
at work, coworkers can become friends and everyone’s performance is boosted. Beyond
productivity, multiplex connections also appear to enhance the innovation and
knowledge-sharing inside of an organization.
Conclusion Or Why You Should Choose
Each Friend of a Friend Carefully
Social networks certainly have value because of the potential connections
they can unlock, but they also have value because of their influence on
ourselves. You aren’t just influenced by your friends and by friends of friends.
Who you have become as a person, in whatever career you have chosen, was
influenced by the network around you—and around your friends, and around
friends of your friends—most likely without you even being aware of it. We
don’t have a network; rather, we’re embedded inside a massive network that we
must learn to navigate. Social networks aren’t just transactional, and they
never were. They’re developmental.
Your network is influencing you, and so you better begin influencing your
network. Navigating your network deliberately—making choices about who your
friends are and being aware of who is a friend of a friend—can directly
influence the person you become, for better or worse.
Your friend of a friend is your future. All of these resources are freely
available at my website, http://www.davidburkus.com/resources.
